Fact

Caulking goes a lot more smoothly when you add vodka.

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Yes people of McDonald's, I just rolled out of bed and my hair is whack, but staring is still rude.

Somebody Cut Her Off

Ladies at table next to us in Outback tonight:
Lady 1 (app 40 years old, 275 lbs.): I think I might get a drink.
Lady 2 ( app 40 years old, 225 lbs): I think I might have a margarita.
1: I've never had a margarita, but I read about them all the time on facebook. People always say "having a margarita."
2: they're good!
1: What's in them?
2: rum.
1: oh, I don't do rum.
She ordered a Coors Light.
5 minutes later:
1: You can only have 280 grams of carbs a day. You don't look at sugar, you look at carbs. No wonder I haven't lost any weight. (to waiter): can we have some more bread?
5 more minutes later
1: (to my child): Where's your beer? Get that girl a beer!

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This

Tonight!

"It's because she's so smart!"

This is what my child does in her spare time:

Takes her collection of turkey feathers and stuffs them up her American Doll's sleeves...

and turns her in to a bird.

Now I can cross this off the list of "Sure Signs Your Child Is A Genius."
Next up: The Potty Dance.

This is what stress looks like.

Grrrrrr

I hate people, that's why I started this blog.
That's a lie...no, two lies. I don't hate people and that's not why I started this blog.
But today, it could totally be my theme.