This is why God created Valium

I used to think I was a people person. But then people turned into dumbasses.
On the scale of "How Much Does Andrea Like You?" most people fall somewhere in between Zero and Hell, in a little place I like to call "You Fucking Suck". (see below for an incredibly realistic model of this scale)

Sadly, most people seriously overestimate there place on said scale. Today was the type of day that reminded me how much I don't like those people.
Then, I took some doctor prescribed patience and used the F-bomb a lot.
And now I'm home, and I think a little something extra was just added to my Diet Dr. Pepper. I knew Brandon loved me.
My day = instantly corrected.
And I don't even care that my picture above is too big for my blog.

Why FB is the debil.

Am I the only one who is hating Facebook (hereafter called "FB") these days? It is becoming pathetic. Seriously.
Here is why:

1) Lame updates: I don't want to know that you're going to the grocery store, or church, or to the Lesser Antilles on vacation. Unless I am a burglar. In that case, this is wonderful information to know. Otherwise, I don't give a rats @$$.

2) The median age of FB users is quickly falling. Like, in the pre-teen, elementary school ballpark. Like coach pitch ball. T-ball, even. And if a person isn't actually that young, odds are they are going to act like they are anyway...

3) Stop sending me game requests. I do my gaming at the slots.

4) How often do you see a status from Negative Nancy that is obviously something that would never actually come out of her mouth in real life. She's Negative Nancy for a reason. She needs to stop pretending she's Susie Sunshine. I ain't buying that bulljive.

5) You're pictures are stupid yo. Stop throwing me the peace sign and poking your lips out. Then again, you probably fall in the same category as those in number 2 (see above). I do however, like to see pictures that accidentally capture someone scratching their butt or picking their nose, and the person putting the picture on FB didn't realize it. Or did they....?

6) Random comments. Ok, their are statuses (statii?), and there is a wall. If you want to tell Bobby that you saw his mom at the Piggly Wiggly today and appreciate her sharing her potted meat recipe, don't do it as a comment on Bobby's status about the new tires he bought for his truck. I might be interested in Bobby's tires and go to read your comment and get POTTED MEAT. For fricks sakes. It's called a damn wall. Use it.
Or better yet, just delete your FB.

Long story short, FB usually just makes people look and (if I could hear them speak) sound ridiculous. But, when mixed with the right amount of alcohol, it can make for cheap entertainment. Maybe I will hold on to mine for a little while longer. If I want to get drunk at 3 in the morning and post about Hungarian Horntails, don't judge me.

I let Hannah dictate this blog post...

Verbatim:

I'm picking on my kid, that's really funny. She lost two teeth in the front on the very top. One fell out by eating ice cream, it was hanging on a strip. And one of them was pulled out by her cousin. It's so big that she can stick four straws in there, and that's the gap. It really looks like a dog. It really does. It's as big as a dog. She gots two big teeth that are permanent. And why were ya'll making those faces like that, those little round circles? (she was talking about me, amy, and paige on the header of our blog). Oh man, I wish you could put a smiley face right there. Oh my gosh, I've got a good one: has anybody watched Spongebob where Squidward has a house, he shaped it like it was the little two eyes, and y'all look like 'em. Flat like a bird swerving all around. Funny. hahahahahahaha.




This is exactly what she told me to type...this is how her brain works. Randommmmmmmmm.

Harry Potter and the Geekdom of Andrea

I am a self-admitted nerd/geek/loser, and I totally own it. Naturally, then, I love Harry Potter. My HP experience came to it's end this weekend when I saw the final movie (in 3D no less).

Ok...now, I get very emotional during movies. Which is odd because I don't show a lot of emotion over real, true stuff. Just wizards and hobbits and rogue FBI agents who hunt aliens. And Disney movies featuring animals. Let me tell you, by the time I left the theater, my head HURT from trying not to cry my eyeballs out. Seriously. If I would have been by myself, I would have just let it all out. Sobbed. But, as it was, I was sitting between Brandon and my sister...and I would never hear the end of it if I boo-hooed like a baby. I held it together reasonably well. It helped that every 3 minutes, Hannah was leaning over with her giant HP 3D glasses on asking me if I was crying, then she would taunt me by taking some of my tissue and wiping her glasses with it. Not even her eyes, the outsides lenses of her glasses. I survived. But when I own this movie on DVD, it will be my new go-to PMS, emotional, need a good cry movie.

I also just realized that this week will be FOUR years since me, Amy, and a 3 year old Hannah waited in the midnight line at Walmart to get the 7th book. What kind of mother am I to drag my tiny tot along, who should have been in bed???? Well, to be fair, she would have been up anyway. She enjoyed it, especially when she made the entire line of people waiting aware that a midget worked there: "Momma, look at that little Walmart girl!".

Oh, the memories!

Fact

I have more zits on my face than dollars in the bank.

Just in case you were wondering...

I don't care for Beyonce.

That is all.

No, it's not. While I'm at it, I don't care for:

fire smoke: it's currently invading my house!
laziness
coconut/grapes: texture issue
that horrible feeling after you eat/drink too much
gory movies
arrogance
loud people
the color orange
wasps
reality romance shows
big hoop earrings (those are for whores)
names that don't follow the rules of grammar

All of the above things are unnatural.

X Marks the Spot

In case you didn't know this about me, I'm a huge X-Files fan. Even to this day. Like, years after the series ended. Cigarette-Smoking Man is the bomb (see my blog title, hellooooo?!?!?!?!)

Tonight will probably be a marathon night. Right now, it's the first movie (co-starring John Locke!!!) Next, who knows?

I could watch this stuff all night.

/nerd rant

ZOO-BI-LEE ZOO

Good grief. I am glad to be home. I am a 100% homebody. I just am.

We really did have a fun weekend on our zoo trip, though. Hannah enjoyed taking the camper out and seeing all of the animals. For the adults, we had plenty to talk about (scenery-wise) and the beer flowed freely (therefore, a good time is guaranteed if you know us...).

Let me just say this about campgrounds: there sure are some skanky people in this world (i.e...lady in pink, lady in black, lady in (insert your own color here).

Let me just say this about the zoo: there sure are a lot of monkeys who like to show (and scratch) their butts.

Let me just say this about staying in a camper: I've never been so glad to see my own bathroom.

But really, we did have a lot of fun. I just wish we could have found out what was going on in that little red barn at the campground. There was obviously more than met the eye at that place...

A Doubly Happy Birthday

Yesterday was my baby's 7th birthday!!!! woah. holy cow. wow. man. omg.     -_-

This means one thing. I'm old.

She celebrated by choosing to eat at chick-fil-a and playing in the play land with her cousins in the shortest, tiniest dress that she owns. But it was her birthday, so she could wear whatever she wanted (by her own reasoning).

She also celebrated by measuring my double chin, which she has recently become obsessed with. She compared it to the one owned by that really big girl on Glee. She was convinced mine was larger.
I quote "I'm not trying to be mean mama, but it's kinda big. But it's a cute double chin because you're my sweet mama." I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say thanks and give her a hug, or cry...so I just sat there and looked at her...then the girl on TV...then the mirror.

Needless to say, I got up early this morning and hit the elliptical for a couple of miles.

Now, we're going to the zoo, so she should shoot out some real gems over the course of the next few days. I'll be sure to share them.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KID!

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Fix yo mouth!

I don't appreciate people who look like Lips Manlis from Dick Tracy.

I just....don't.

Rambling (Wo)man

I kinda just realized I don't do any musing on this blog. I just ramble.

Let me ramble about my weekend highlight: I bought my wedding dress!

Now you must know, I am not a "traditional" person or an emotional one, so it was not the "traditional" dress buying experience. No oooohs and aaaahs, just went and found what I was looking for. I didn't even leave the dressing room in any dresses I tried on. I'm not like those silly girls out there parading around and twirling on those little pedestals in front of their crying mothers, sisters, maids of honor, and college roomates. It was the freaking bridal MART, for crying out loud, not Kleinfelds. Uhhh! There were no cameras rolling. This was not going to be televised on TLC in dramatic, suspense-filled, fake fashion. But more power to those beaming 21 year olds who have no idea what they are getting into. And a special shout out to the girl in the stall (what? I told you it was the MART, no fancy individual closed off rooms here) next to me, who had been engaged for a grand total of about 3 days...literally. Holy hell! What is so wrong with a long engagement? Not necessarily 6 years like me, but come on! 3 days? She'll be divorced in a year. But she'll have the dress of her dreams, haha.

Gotta go, The Bachelorette is on. I hate this show. It's ridiculous.

Oh wait, it just ended. DANG....

I'm a fatty...and other musings

You know what I hate? That full, bloaty, swollen, miserable feeling after you eat waaaaay to much. Then, because you feel so guilty about it, you exercise like a maniac...on a full stomach. Then, because you exercised, you feel the need to chug a little protein water...that always hurts your stomach.

Needless to say, my stomach is hurting a little bit right now.

On an unrelated note, here's what a full-on gangsta looks like playing T-ball:

  (by gangsta I mean her shirt's untucked)

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Whaaaaaat?

Hello....what's this? Why, it's my new Anne of Green Gables dvd, arriving fresh from Amazon. I can't wait to curl up with this bad boy for about three hours Friday night.

All of this leads me to something you may not know about me...I'm a little bit of a nerd. It could be all those hours I spent watching the news and PBS as a kid. but it was probably really just all that dirt and charcoal I ate back in the day.

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Hi There Good Lookin'....

Tonight I rekindled an old love affair...with my elliptical. Even if it was but for one brief mile while Hannah grabbed a bath, it was a mile of bliss. I think we will have to steal a few minutes tomorrow to catch up ;-)

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I Suck At This

Everyday I think of something really awesome to blog about. Then, I come home...and I don't blog about it. I need to do a better job with that.

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Viva Elvis

I love me some Elvis. It's the music I grew up on. I remember riding in the back of my dad's truck as a little girl with the back glass open, Elvis blaring. I'm determined to incorporate his music into my wedding somehow.

Joke O' The Day

A Haddock family classic:

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

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Love Is In The Air!

After almost 9 years together, my fiance and I are finally getting married!!! wooohooo!

I can't wait. It's going to be one part wedding, and five parts party.

That's the way we do things. We're just keeping it real.

Woah

Evidentally I forgot I had a blog.

Or else I actually read my blog and was bored into a coma that I have just now come out of.

On the HUNT!

It's that time of year again - the week after Easter. With my 6 year old, I will participate in approximately 40 - 50 Easter egg hunts inside my house over the next several days...consisting of approximately 75 eggs each time. Outside is no good...we live in the middle of a field. Not much to work with there.

Damn, there aren't but just so many places to hide eggs inside the mobile mansion. This could get repetitive.

Where does the time go????

I have to admit, I'm feeling pretty old tonight. I have so many friends getting married or having babies. But, that's really not much compared to my nearly 7-yr old. Time flies, but it's a wonderful ride.

Then again, it could just be the vodka talking....

J/K.

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A Long Time Coming

We've finally been in the mobile for almost a week now. I never thought I would be so excited to live in a single-wide trailer for goodness sake. I must say, it is comfy and cozy, and without a doubt, the nicest one in the county, haha.

It's been a long but good week, a lot of progress made. I'm up way too late for someone who has to be up at 6:15 in the morning, but oh well. I'm going to lay here for a while and listen to some Muse on my ipod. Good stuff there. I'm lucky enough to have seen them live 3 times now. Their live stuff is my favorite. My ipod is full of it.

And by the way, if you ever draw a blank on the word "frisbee," just call it "a small plastic disc that you throw." That's according to Hannah anyway.

Have a good one.

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"Best Friend"

I was just informed by my kid that a best friend is someone who "would never pick up a stick and throw it at you."

Who would have known that was the criteria? I have to rethink some things now.

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Honey, I'm Home!!!!

Wow, glad I didn't waste my time watching that national championship game. Uconn is one of my three least favorite teams. That Jim Calhoun is a straight up scheister.

Anyway, it is our first night in the mansion. We definitely only have the bare essentials with us. It was a long, terrible day to be quite honest. I had one pretty real mental breakdown. Tomorrow is going to be just as long I'm afraid, but it has to be done.

I can tell you this...trying to paint white quarter round toe molding outside in 50 mile per hour winds in the middle of an open field surrounded by GIANT fire ants is enough to make anyone lose their mind and forget how to correctly use punctuation. Just don't ever try it. Ever.

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Finally!

Tomorrow/today (what time is it anyway?) is finally moving day!!!! Gots to gets my rest.

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Fact

I don't like people who think they are better than others.
I do like food.
Make of that what you will.

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Turn that frown upside down

:-)

or around I guess, 'cause its still sideways...

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That was rough...

:-(

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Mini truck fun.

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Weekend Getaway: A Pictoral Journey

Long time, no post.

Spent a wonderful weekend in Charlotte watching my beloved Blue Devils in the NCAA tournament. Unforuntaly, UNC was there too...gross.

Alot of interesting stuff happened.

We watched a little b-ball.

Saw a devil church (not really, but that's what it looks like they're going for).

Keeping with that theme, we saw a Hell Cab.

Went to a restaurant where kids ate free and got a cool firehat with a doggy on it.

And lost a tooth...during the middle of a ball game.

The only thing that could have made the weekend better would have been for UNC to have lost, and for the games to have been played in my backyard so I wouldn't have to travel.

Oh that's right, I don't have a backyard. I am still homeless.

I Wanna Break Free

I am soooooo tired of not having my own place right now. I just have a problem sharing space, and having no privacy. I have spent the last week and a half nested in a tiny green room, clutching my cell phone (my only connection to the outside world) like I'm House and its a bottle of Vicodin. My sanity is at stake here!!!!!
Ok, its really not that bad. I am pretty much being waited on hand and foot. No cooking, minimal cleaning, a full nights sleep. Sounds horrible, right? But I am just not a natural moocher. I don't like feeling like I am an inconvenience to anyone.
I'm ready for my mobile mansion. Yes, I said I am ready to live in my very own single-wide trailer! Words I never thought i would say; but right now, it sounds pretty damn good.

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Valium...

It's what's for dinner!

Cuba Jean

My good ol' friend Jean made my day. Thanks for following Jean(na) (if you ever come back and look at this again).


haha...quality stuff here....

How to get out of using the paint sprayer....

You can't paint what you can't see...

Okay, here's the deal....

I didn't really have a reason for starting this blog, but I guess what it boiled down to is that it would be somewhere for just random thoughts. However, now I can see the value that I can get out of it just by recording the goings on of everyday life.

Right now is something of a transitional period in our lives. We sold our house, and are living with the "in-laws" for a couple of weeks. We own land nearby and plan to build there in a couple of years. For now though, we are going to take it easy and save up some money by living in our very own singlewide trailer, or as we prefer to call it, our "mobile mansion."

I want this blog to be somewhere I can talk about my life and be able to look back at memories I maybe would have lost if I had not put them somewhere. No one but two of my closest friends (and co-bloggers on our fabulous collaborative blog "Observing Life With a Fine Tooth") might ever see this, but that's ok too. It is what it is.

Now, I just want to get settled into the mansion and get some order back to our lives. I want my laptop back out too. I am tired of trying to do this on my phone or during my lunchbreak at work. It's annoying and inconvenient.

Okay, enough for serious, or "background" stuff. That's boring.

Moving Sucks

I'm temporarily homeless and I want my laptop back.

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oops

I didn't even watch the game. I slept...
And that's saying something, because not much is bigger than Duke Senior Night. I've been that worn out lately.
But oh well, I have DVR and a little bit of PMS, so I will probably need a good cry tonight.

GO DUKE!

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Being the Duke fan that I am (a very emotionally-invested one), tonight is going to be tough.
It's Senior Night.




I'm really gonna miss these guys.

Fact

Caulking goes a lot more smoothly when you add vodka.

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Yes people of McDonald's, I just rolled out of bed and my hair is whack, but staring is still rude.

Somebody Cut Her Off

Ladies at table next to us in Outback tonight:
Lady 1 (app 40 years old, 275 lbs.): I think I might get a drink.
Lady 2 ( app 40 years old, 225 lbs): I think I might have a margarita.
1: I've never had a margarita, but I read about them all the time on facebook. People always say "having a margarita."
2: they're good!
1: What's in them?
2: rum.
1: oh, I don't do rum.
She ordered a Coors Light.
5 minutes later:
1: You can only have 280 grams of carbs a day. You don't look at sugar, you look at carbs. No wonder I haven't lost any weight. (to waiter): can we have some more bread?
5 more minutes later
1: (to my child): Where's your beer? Get that girl a beer!

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This

Tonight!

"It's because she's so smart!"

This is what my child does in her spare time:

Takes her collection of turkey feathers and stuffs them up her American Doll's sleeves...

and turns her in to a bird.

Now I can cross this off the list of "Sure Signs Your Child Is A Genius."
Next up: The Potty Dance.

This is what stress looks like.

Grrrrrr

I hate people, that's why I started this blog.
That's a lie...no, two lies. I don't hate people and that's not why I started this blog.
But today, it could totally be my theme.